Mystery, Inc. Meets Catwoman

Mystery, Inc. Meets Catwoman

“Jinkies, Gotham City!” Velma declared as she pushed through the revolving door out onto the busy city street. The fresh air smelled nice after being cooped up in a subway car.

“It sure was keen of your father to invite us along on his business trip, Daphne.”

“Too bad Shaggy had to stay on campus to cram for that class he's failing,” Fred sighed. He dug his hands into his pockets. "With him and Scooby missing, there's a noticeable drop in testosterone in this group."

"Oh, cheer up, Freddy," Daphne replied. “If Shaggy was here, our tour of Gotham would consist of visiting every pizza parlor on every street corner. But since he’s not here, we can get on with some very important business.”

Fred raised an eyebrow. “You mean like solving a mystery?”

Daphne rolled her eyes. “Don’t be silly, Freddy. I mean shopping!”

“Oh, brother,” Freddy groaned.

The redhead hooked her arm under his and pulled him down the street.

“Stop! Thief!”

The cry was followed by the sound of a policeman’s whistle. The gang stopped cold in their tracks.

Down the street in the distance they could make out a purple figure coming their way with two blue blurs chasing it.

“Jinkies!” Velma cried. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that was Catwoman, the world famous cat burglar!”

“It is Catwoman!” Daphne exclaimed as the figure grew closer. “But what’s she doing?”

“It looks like she’s running away from the police,” Fred answered. “But she’s not going to get far if I have any say in it!”

Bravely, Freddy stepped in the way of the oncoming feline felon.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing, Freddy?” Velma asked. “She sure seems to be coming at us pretty fast.”

“Don’t worry, gang!” Fred said confidentially. “I’m sure I can easily overpower-”

Fred gasped. Not only had his agile adversary quite easily leaped over him, but while doing so she had pushed down on his gawking head to give her momentum to make another jump.

The police brushed past Fred as they stormed after Catwoman, who soon darted down an alley. Fred stood with his mouth agape.

“Relax, Freddy,” Velma said sarcastically. “If the Dynamic Duo have trouble catching her, there’s no reason to-“

“What a woman!” Fred exclaimed. “Finally, a worthy adversary to my traps.”

Velma rolled her eyes. “The traps, always with the traps.”

“Now I have something to do on this trip: create a trap clever enough to capture Catwoman!
I’ll see you girls later, I’m going back to the hotel to start working on a plan.”

“But Freddy-” Daphne cried, but it was too late: the burly blonde had already pushed back through the revolving doors into the subway station. Daphne pouted and crossed her arms.

“Ooh, men,” she said icily.

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The rest of the day was bittersweet for Daphne: while she enjoyed shopping with Velma in the finest luxury stores of Gotham (and posing before her bored friend in the finest luxury dresses), she couldn’t forgive Fred for the way he ran off. When they got back to the hotel room later that night, she was ready to give him a piece of her mind.

“Fred, I think we need to talk.”

“Gang, look at this,” Fred said, ignoring her. “I think I’ve discovered where Catwoman is going to strike next. Look!”

He pointed to an article in the copy of The Gotham Gazette he had spread out before him.

“Apparently, there’s a big exhibit of jade statues at the Museum in midtown. And the most expensive one just so happens to be in the shape of a cat!”

“Fred, I’m trying to talk to you,” Daphne insisted.

“It doesn’t take the World’s Greatest Detective to figure out that would be perfect bait for a Catwoman,” Velma said sarcastically. “If you ask me, it all sounds a little too convenient.”

‘Hmm,” Fred said as he rubbed his chin. “You may be right. Let me see if there’s anything else going on that she might be interested in.”

“Fred Jones, turn around this instant!” Daphne cried.

“Hmm? Just a second, Daphne, I’m busy.”

“Ohh, you! You can have your Catwoman! I hope you two have fun trapping each other for the rest of your life!” And with that she stormed out of the room.

“What’s her problem?” Fred said, turning to Velma.

Velma sighed. “You’re a great detective, Fred, but you make a lousy boyfriend.”

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Daphne paced the streets of Gotham like a raging Valkyrie.

Who did Fred think he was? Did he really think he could walk over her like that? Did he think she’d just hang on him like a love-sick school girl?

Her mind turned to Catwoman. What did Fred see in her? Was it the skin-tight outfit, with the long black boots and gloves, her long, dark hair blowing freely? Was it the fact she was elusive, playing “hard to get?”

A nasty vision formed in her head: Catwoman and Fred lovingly embracing each other, the rest of the gang (herself, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby) looking on in shock.

“Well, Daphne, at least you know Fred likes girls who wear purple!” Velma said to her in the vision.

“And gals who carry whips, it seems!” Daphne muttered bitterly.

She didn’t realize she’d spoken aloud, but then everyone on the street was staring at her as if she was crazy. Sheepishly, she stepped into the closest store to get away.

The store was a costume shop. Most of the costumes were leftovers from Halloween: French maids, dinosaurs, pirates.

“May I help you, Miss?” the proprietor asked her from behind the counter.

“No thank you, I just stepped in to get away from-“

Suddenly an idea struck her.

“Do you happen to have any costumes of super villains?”

“Certainly,” the proprietor answered. “Who do you have in mind?”

Daphne thought it over. What super villain rivaled Catwoman in attractiveness?

“Poison Ivy,” Daphne proclaimed. “I’ll make Fred ‘green’ with envy.”

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She used a public restroom in the subway station to change into her costume. Striking a fetching pose, she checked herself out in the mirror: the strapless forest-green leotard, aqua green tights, gloves and pointed boots looked good on her. She had added some green eye shadow to disguise herself, but was glad she didn’t need to dye her hair. Finally, a wreath of roses in her hair completed the outfit.

“Now what?” She wondered out loud. Her plan was to seduce Fred into trapping her, but to do that she would need to find him. And Fred would be wherever Catwoman was.

She bought a copy of the paper from the newsstand in the station. The man stammered as he handed it to her. Clearly, she looked gorgeous.

With a furrowed brow, she scanned the articles. What crime would appeal to a Catwoman? Fred and Velma had eliminated the jade exhibit for being too obvious: what else was there?

And then she found it: an exhibit of rare plants at the Gotham Greenery.

“Among the flowers on display,” the article stated, “will be the Black Cat Flower, which is found only in the tropical forests of south China.”

Daphne had taken botany classes in college, and knew this listing had to be a typo: the description fit the Black Bat flower. The question remained: Would Catwoman commit a crime solely based on a typo?

There was only one way to find out.

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By the time she reached the greenhouse at the Gotham Greenery by subway, the crowd had long ago dispersed.

The area was quiet. Too quiet, Daphne thought. Where were the guards?

The sound of voices coming from within a greenhouse startled her.  Especially since one sounded like Fred!

“You won’t get away with this!” Fred was saying as Daphne crept closer. She hid behind a
flower bed and peered in.

Fred and Velma were tied up back-to-back on the floor, with two guards tied up and unconscious beside them. Standing above them, with hands on her hips, was a gloating Catwoman.

“Did you really think your pathetic trap would capture me, college-boy?” Catwoman purred.

“I was outsmarting the police when you were still in grade school. A spring trap? Don’t make me laugh!”

Fred thrashed in his bonds. “I was going to attempt something more advanced, but Velma talked me out of it.”

Velma rolled her eyes. “Your other idea was a trip wire, Fred. It’s really not what I’d
call more advanced.”

“Silence, both of you!” Catwoman hissed. “Now you’ve put me in an uncomfortable position. I’m usually not one to take hostages, especially not meddling kid hostages.”

Daphne gasped. Fred and Velma were in trouble! But what could she do to save them?

Then it hit her like a sack of flower bulbs. Of course!

“Stay where you are,” Daphne said, appearing from behind the flower beds. “I have you
surrounded.”

“Poison Ivy!” Catwoman exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

“Didn’t you realize a villain obsessed with plants might want to steal a rare flower?”

Catwoman’s eyes became slits. “I thought they had you locked away in Arkham.”

“I escaped,” Daphne stammered, “Earlier tonight. When I heard about this exhibit, and how
they were exploiting plants, no man’s prison could hold me.” Quick thinking, she thought to herself.

“Well,” Catwoman purred, “It seems we’ve come to an impasse. What shall we do about it?”
Trying to hide her nerves, Daphne took a step closer.

“I don’t think I need to remind you where you are,” she said calmly. “Or who you’re up against.”

Now it was Catwoman’s turn to be nervous. Her eyes darted around the room, taking in all the plants that surrounded her. “Hmm,” she muttered. “Maybe we gals can talk this out.”

“I’m listening,” Daphne said as she stepped closer. She tightened her grip on the object she held out of view behind her back.

“I didn’t know this was your territory,” Catwoman said. “I saw ‘Black Cat Flower’ in the paper, I thought it a purrfect crime. The floral angle never hit me.”

“Black Cat was a typo,” Velma whispered. “It’s actually a Black Bat Flower.”

“I hope that means the Caped Crusader shows up to nail you crooks,” Fred added.

Daphne suppressed a chuckle. Fred and Velma had no idea who she was!

“Thank you for the science lesson,” Catwoman sneered. “I don’t suppose either of you have grasped what a serious situation you’re in? I may be a criminal, but Poison Ivy is known for having, shall we say, a complicated relationship with humanity.”

“You can say that again,” Fred said. “She’s an eco-terrorist!”

“Would you do me a favor, partner in crime?” Daphne asked Catwoman. “Would you shut them up?”

“Gladly.” With a fiendish grin on her lips, Catwoman cracked her whip.

“Say goodnight, college-boy!” She exclaimed as she raised the whip to strike Fred.

“Goodnight, Kitty!” Daphne exclaimed as she clonked Catwoman in the head with a watering
can.

Groaning, Catwoman toppled over, dropping her whip in the process.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Fred asked.

“I’ve got no time to explain,” Daphne answered him. “Quickly, where’s the rope she used to tie you with?”

Fred nudged his head in the direction of a closet. Inside, Daphne found plenty of rope and cloth.

“I don’t know what you’re up to, but when I get lose, you’ll be sorry,” Fred grunted as he wrestled in his ropes.

“Oh, shut up, Fred!” Daphne exclaimed. She rolled Catwoman onto her stomach and began tying her wrists with the rope.

Fred raised an eyebrow. “Hey, how do you know my name?”

Daphne cursed quietly to herself. Should she tell him? No, not quite yet. “You’re girlfriend Daphne speaks quite fondly of you,” Daphne responded in her best villainess voice. She made sure to knot Catwoman’s wrists tight and began to work tying her ankles.

“What have you done to Daphne?” Fred yelled.

“I kidnapped your little friend,” Daphne answered him. “I heard she’s rich. Someone will pay a big ransom.”

“If you lay one hand on her-“ Fred shouted angrily. He wrestled helplessly against his bonds.

Daphne smiled. “And what-“

“Ohhh-“ Catwoman moaned as she returned to consciousness. She tried raising her hands but found she was tied up. “What’s happening?”

“I’m eliminating the competition,” Daphne answered.

Catwoman’s mind cleared and she realized the extent of the situation. “Did you hit me with a watering can?” She yelled accusingly.

“I might have.”

“Why would you hit me with a watering can? And why am I bound with ropes? Couldn’t you have just used vines to tie me up?”

Daphne gulped. Catwoman was about to give away her secret! She grabbed a cloth from the pile.

“You’re not Poison Ivy at all!” Catwoman proclaimed. “You’re-grmmph!”

“Cat got your tongue?” Daphne said as she wrapped the cloth around Catwoman’s mouth and tied it, effectively gagging her.

“Mrmph mmph,” Catwoman glowered. She thrashed on the ground, tossing her black hair wildly about.

“What was she about to say?” Fred asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Typical villain speech,” Daphne muttered. “I’ll get you and your little dog too, blah blah blah.”

“Mmmprgh!” Catwoman emoted into her gag, her eyes shooting daggers at Daphne.

“Now,” Daphne said, her hands on her hips. “What am I going to do with you two?”

“What have you done with Daphne?” Fred said, enraged. “I swear, if you’ve harmed her, I’ll-“

Daphne was nearly blushing. So he really did care for her after all! “I’ll bring you to your friend,” she said. “But first, I’ll need to untie you.”

This is your chance, Fred, Daphne thought as she began untying her boyfriend. Don’t let me down.

The ropes tying Fred and Velma dropped to the floor.

“Now, if you’ll just follow me,” Daphne said.

“Not so fast!” Fred blurted out. He grabbed the Black Bat from its tray and held it in the
air. “Surrender, or this plant’s a goner!”

Daphne suppressed a smile. Fred was as clever as ever. She raised her hands in the air.

“Do whatever you want, just don’t hurt my precious baby!” Daphne cried.

“Mmmph,” Catwoman chortled into her gag.

Fred handed the plant to Velma. “If she moves, drop it. And you, put your hands behind your back.”

“Gladly,” Daphne said, crossing her wrists behind her. She felt Fred’s breath as he approached her and used some of the rope to tie her wrists snugly together.

Daphne pretended to struggle. “What are you going to do to me?”

“Nothing, if you tell me where Daphne is.”

Daphne bit her lip. I think this game has gone on far enough, she thought. “Fred, I’m Daphne,” she responded. “This is just a costume I’m wearing. I’m not really Poison Ivy!”

“If you’re not going to tell me anything useful, I’d rather not hear anything from you at all.”

He picked a cloth up off the ground and approached her.

“Now wait, Freddy, this is all a big misunderstanding,” Daphne blurted. “I knew you wanted to trap a villainess, so I-“

“That’s enough.” Fred whipped the cloth over Daphne’s mouth, and even though she struggled against it he was able to tie it tightly in place.

“Mmph,” Daphne complained. “Mmph npmh pmph imphy, mph Dphny,” she tried to explain, but her gag silenced her.

Fred pulled her gently to the floor and, yanking her ankles together, tied them with more rope.

“Mphh Dmpny,” Daphne tried again.  She squirmed in her lashings next to an equally bound and gagged Catwoman.

“C’mon, Velma, let’s go find Daphne,” Fred said to his bespectacled friend. “And take the plant along, as a hostage.”

“Are we just going to leave them here?” Velma asked, incredulous.

“We’ll call the police on the way out. But I think it would be good for these villainesses to stew in the error of their ways for a while.”

“Mmmph!” Catwoman and Daphne grunted in unison. Catwoman shot Daphne a nasty look which Daphne returned with a scowl.

“Grmph,” Catwoman growled. She turned away from her fellow captive and stared defiantly into space.

“Mmpph,” Daphne sighed. She gave up struggling. When this whole thing is cleared up and Fred frees me, she thought, I’m going to give him the biggest kiss before I slap him in the face.

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“Fred, you know that really is Daphne, right?” Velma whispered to him outside the greenhouse.

“Of course, Velma,” Fred whispered back. “I recognized the freckles on her back when I was tying her up.”

“Then why did you leave her tied up and gagged?”

Fred shrugged. “Someone has to teach her crime doesn't pay!”